just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
