i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
