The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
