You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
