Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
