You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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