I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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