So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
