worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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