all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
