hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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