Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
