I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
