I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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