After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
