I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
