woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
