Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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