Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
