That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
