just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
