I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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