I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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