Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love having hate sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We have started to decorate penises.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
