I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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