Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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