Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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