you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
