I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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