nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
