Your face is a jimmy john
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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