She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
