The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
