i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
