I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
