May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
