I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
