So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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