the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
