$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
