why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
