dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
