Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
