I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
