3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize