We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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