Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
