I cockslap morals
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
