I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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