hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
