every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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