somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
