I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
