we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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