I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
