it wasn't lemon gatorade
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
