I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
