I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
