When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
