Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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