I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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