I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
