things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
