you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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