I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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