i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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