Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
