Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
