Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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