one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
