I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
