A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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