I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
