I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
