I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Floor bacon is actually really good
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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