I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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