my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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