She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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