I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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