Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
