I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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