i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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